For the last couple years I have hated April 15th and it has nothing to do with the fact that it is tax day. It used to be a happy day but now it is tainted with what once was and will never be again. It symbolizes one of the best things and one of the worst things that has happened to me; it is a day that I would rather forget.
On this day 7 years ago someone made me extremely happy, and then proceeded to break my heart 2 years later. I used to think that it was solely him that I missed but I think that is only part of the truth. I think I also miss what he represented, the future that I saw that eventually disappeared.
I think part of me always thought that it wasn't really the end, that it was just a case of right person wrong time. I guess that isn't the case since he is getting married in August to someone that isn't me. I have to accept that the dream I held onto for so long is just that....a dream. I'll never have what I thought I would and that's a hard one to swallow.
April 15th is always a day that I dread. I don't want to dread it anymore and each year I think that it will be the last time that I am left feeling empty at the thought of it, but it never happens. I need this to be the last year that I care about this day...I need to find a new dream, a new reality. I want to be able to remember that day and those two years with a smile on my face and while I'm a lot closer then I used to be, I still have a ways to go. Here's hoping this is the last year April 15th will be a day that makes me feel empty and incomplete.
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